I don't teach forgiveness. Why?

FORGIVENESS LEAVES THE JUDGMENT INTACT!

We would not have to forgive people if we hadn’t judged them in the first place. Reading these words that I wrote years ago, I recall how forgiveness was all the rage. Still is.

I like forgiveness as one way to achieve reconciliation, but I don't teach it.

Why?

I'd rather work on dropping my judgment of another person and his actions. If I do that, then there's nothing to forgive, and only love is left. However, if we decide we can’t let go of a judgment, then forgiveness is a first step…still, only a first step.

Forgiving another person often leaves the judgment intact. “I forgive you” means I decide not to be angry with you, or vengeful, because of what you did, although I still firmly believe that what you did was a bad thing. I am left with the discomfort that results from leaving my judgment of bad/wrong in place. I stopped making you my reason for being upset, but I keep the pain in place. If I go one step further and drop my judgment, then there is no longer any residual pain, no longer anything to forgive.

Does that mean I now endorse your action or behavior?

No. Letting go of judgment is not endorsement; it’s releasing the fault-finding. We can still fully support what we value and do our best to prevent circumstances we don’t want. In sum, Forgiveness is extending our hand while holding back on love. Acceptance (dropping judgments) is love.