Taking Care of Ourselves

Taking care of ourselves! That's not a character flaw but an aspect of human nature that serves us and those we love.

If I care about you, then taking care of you is taking care of me (and what I want). If I would like you to have more in your life, then giving more to you is taking also care of me (and what I want). Helping others is often depicted as self-sacrificing. Ah...that's actually self-denial (and lack of ownership). If I feed you before I feed me that's not self-sacrificing -- it's me wanting you to have the food first, even if I go without nourishment. We are always doing what we want...taking care of ourselves by acting on behalf of our values and concerns. What about folks who appear to choose always in their self-interest (eating first, stockpiling money, stealing from others)? More often than not, self-interest viewed from such a narrow vantage point arises from judging and disapproving of what the other person is doing or did. Imagine if we are always acting in our self-interest -- supporting in the world what we most want. Check out political campaigns. Check the actions of different countries in different historical periods. Everyone is doing their best to take care of themselves even if we disagree with their values, words and actions. Some folks are fueled by unhappiness and fear, some fueled by love and gratitude. The so-called "saints" and "sinners" are always taking care of themselves. The question we can ask: do we acknowledge and take ownership that we are, in fact, doing what we want (sometimes approving and sometimes disapproving)? And if we did, what would come next? 1) Self-responsibility. 2) Self-direction. 3) And maybe, just maybe, more thoughtful consideration to understand, to be kind and to be inclusive of all our feelings and behaviors instead of self-condemnation. Acceptance and love begins at home...inside of us. Maybe we are all "saints," with the heartbeat of God inside -- but we don't seem to know it because we have not searched deep enough inside and acknowledged our own very imperfect but wondrous humanity. Once we see it and embrace it in ourselves, we can then more easily and naturally embrace it in others. Love, Bears Barry Neil Kaufman (Option Institute/Son-Rise Program/Autism Treatment Center of America Co-Founder & Author HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE and TO LOVE IS TO BE HAPPY WITH and POWER DIALOGUES) [Photo notation: Historic photo; Samahria and me in the midst of doing the first Son-Rise Program for our son, Raun. For over 3 ½ years. Every day/ 7 days a week, 12 hours a day. Not an ounce of self-sacrifice. We’re all-in because we had decided to do our very best to do what we totally wanted…and helping Raun was what we wanted to do for him…and, very much, for ourselves.]